Okay, So Bloom!

Okay So Bloom! (1st Blog Post)

I have a confession to make. And a pretty heavy one at that.

My family stopped associating with me shortly after I released my book: I Forgive You. This disassociation came in short intervals of shaming, hurtful conversations, some rounds of gaslighting and a hell of an emotional roller coaster ride, but here I am and this is my truth.

I’ll save the details of all that has taken place for another post or book, whichever happens first. But my point in sharing this is what it has revealed to me.

The contents of my book detail things in my childhood that took place behind closed doors and I completely dismissed the idea that “what happens in this house stays here.” I Broke All of The Rules.

And I shocked everyone.  Mainly because, sweet little Vivian had kept quiet for so long, and hid pain behind a smile so perfectly. I was a master at people-pleasing but my mental health just couldn’t take another hit, so like broken levees, came an outpour of the entire truth. It was a magical moment for me because for once in my life, I truly felt free. Along with that freedom came forgiveness wrapped all up in the mix.  Because in order for me to really heal, I had to stop waiting for apologies from people. So months after publication, my family quickly took the role of denial, denouncing the abuse that took place and called me a liar.

This blew me y’all. I just could not fathom how people who saw things happen with their very own eyes, could tell me to my face that it never took place. It almost made me feel like I was crazy, to the point that I even asked myself did it really happen!  There were nights that I would just sit up, trying to make sense of the chaos, all the while my anxiety took on a whole new form within me. My eczema flared, my weight increased, my hormones were completely unstable. I was struggling, but this was a new cycle of forgiveness and healing that I needed to experience.

Some people aren’t willing to accept your truth no matter how it’s given to them. So whether you sit down and have a conversation about your feelings or you write a poem, perform it on a stage or even publish a book, how others receive your truth is not your Problem.

(This revelation took me some time to get to).

Life Lesson: Recognize when a phase, job, a life stage or even a relationship is over and make a sound decision to Let 👏 It 👏  Go. Allow yourself to gracefully exit situations that you have outgrown. Moving on doesn’t have to be this catastrophic, dramatic event but sometimes it is, and that’s ok. Take time to sit with your feelings and when you are ready, choose to move forward with peace and clarity.

That’s what I call Blooming!